You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize