you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
