Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
