I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
