i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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