I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
