anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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