Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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