You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
