i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
