she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
