Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
