How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
