ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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