I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
