so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
