I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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