man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
