i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
