You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize