Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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