No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
