My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
