Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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