I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
