Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
