all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just found puke in my bra..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
