Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
