No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
