ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize