I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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