My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
