The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize