I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
