Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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