I want you more than these girls want KFC
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
