you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm just crazy horny about you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
