Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
