you would pick up someone in the library
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
