A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
