It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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