Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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