I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
