have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
