So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
