I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
