I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
