Your tits are I can't wait for
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize