just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I need moral support for this bender
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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