atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
