No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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