I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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