Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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