when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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