proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
