That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
