Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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