He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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