I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
