Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
