I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize