Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
