the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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