i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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