I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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