and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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