He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
