omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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