dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
