Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize