I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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