she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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