I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
