dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish i was in the wii world.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
