He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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