She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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