Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Randomize
