why didn't you poke me back
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
