some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
